Being a true friend

Connect with people whose friendship you value and see as sustainable long-term. Good friendships don't arise from hoping someone else's popularity or networks will rub off on you. Rather, a good friendship comes about by being with people who connect with you at level and get the person you really are. If you're trying to be friends with a person just to be accepted into a certain clique, or because you'd like to get to know someone else that he or she knows, that's not friendship – it's opportunism – and eventually you'll regret the shallow nature of your involvement. Every new person you meet has the right to be accepted (or not) on his or her own merits, so it's better to just be yourself than to let anyone else influence you into being someone you are not. In turn, you have a responsibility to fill their life with good memories and happy moments. Bear in mind it's better to be detested for who you are, than to be liked for who you aren't and good friendships withstand differences of opinion or outlooks anyway.

A dishonest person has no chance of having true friends because it's hard to rely or trust a person who doesn't behave in a supportive or trustworthy way. Keep your promises, do what you say you are going to do, and most importantly – don't lie! Lying happens in those times when you say "Okay, I will...", but you never do or you only fulfill part of what you promised. Eventually people will figure you out and realize that you don't do what you say you will. If you've found yourself lying about doing things, then not trying to keep your word, start owning up to it and stop doing it. If you can't do something, explain so and trust that the friendship is strong enough for the no's as well as the yeses. And startbeing dependable when you say that you will do something.

• If you know you were at fault for a missed opportunity, own up. Simply talk about it and hope that your friend will forgive you. They'd most likely appreciate it in the future, to look back and say, 'Wow!' I've had an amazing friend by my side.' But, if you're changing, flip-flopping and undependable – that feels like you were not a good friend.
• Good friendship is based on trust – if you break a friend's trust, the friendship may be very hard to salvage. Of course, if you have made a promise and planned to keep it, but circumstances beyond your control conspire to prevent it, let your friend know as soon as you find out. Don't wait until 15 minutes after you were supposed to arrive to call and say, "gee, I'm sorry." Instead, a quick call to say, "Hey, I know I promised to help you with whatever it is, but my husband is telling me we're going to our country house for the weekend, and leaving tomorrow just after work - that means I won't be able to make it. I'm so sorry. Can we reschedule?". That's just honoring the fact that your friend is counting on you, and respecting the fact that, given a little notice, your friend might just be able to get someone else to help with whatever it was. At least you won't be hanging your friend out to twist in the wind.

And remember the golden rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you.